What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
