What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
