He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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