Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
