i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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