Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
