just tell him i said nine months
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
As shirtless as possible
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
