i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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