:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
