It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize