So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize