lets start a swedish sibling band together
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
