i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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