There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
