I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
