Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
