wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
