Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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