In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
