dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
