i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
