Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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