I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
