Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
