that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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