Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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