What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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