hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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