Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
