What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
