so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
