It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
