...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize