So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
