youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
