Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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