They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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