oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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