Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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