i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
