Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
