Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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