worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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