I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
