You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize