well I can't set my house on fire every night
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
