ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
