I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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