That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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