Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
