I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
