and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
