Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize