I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
