i think my tv is drunk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
