It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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