Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
