It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
