remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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