he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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