I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Even my vagina gasped.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
