And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
