He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
