Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
