So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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