It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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