I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
