i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
