its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you never un-have a 4some
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