You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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