she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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