im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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