you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
