so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
