Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
