So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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