she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
