please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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