Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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