Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
