We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think your dad took our porno
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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