my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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