I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize