At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
