Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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