i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
