I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
