I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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