We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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