as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the room spins SO much faster in panama
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
