it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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