We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You ruined the universe
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
