Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
