I just threw up on my dentist
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
