he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
