I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
