I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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