I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
