My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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