i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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