I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
