Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
